(Xaviul and Spoderman had just reached the exit screen when-)
SPODER: I guess they just have stronger jaws, let’s go with that. Prey can’t get out as easily, I don’t know.
DIE-FOR-YOU: THAT’S A PRETTY FUN LITTLE SHARK FACT.
SPODER: Oh my god.
XAVIUL: Oh. OH NO. Please come back!
SPODER: We have more shark facts if you come back!
XAVIUL: Yeah, we have more shark facts!
DIE-FOR-YOU: I’M SURE YOU HAVE PLENTY OF SHARK FACTS. (CHUCKLES)
(Xaviul and Spoder are both howling in disbelief as they load in to another mission)
DIE-FOR-YOU: MY APOLOGIES FOR THE TERRIBLE TIMING, FRIENDS.
XAVIUL: Oh!
SPODER: It’s alright.
XAVIUL: It happens, we’ve all been there.
DIE-FOR-YOU: (CHUCKLES) NOW XAVIUL…
XAVIUL: Yeah, that’s me!
DIE-FOR-YOU: IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT...
XAVIUL: I sure do! All the time in the world.
DIE-FOR-YOU: WONDERFUL, FRIEND. I’VE HEARD THAT YOU HAVE BUILT A BIT OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH LAUGH-LAST, YESSS?
XAVIUL: (INWARD PANIC) Oh, yeah, yeah, I’m his Headliner!
DIE-FOR-YOU: YOU’RE PRETTY TIGHT.
XAVIUL: Oh yeah!
DIE-FOR-YOU: GOOD TO KNOW, GOOD TO KNOW…
DIE-FOR-YOU: I ASK, AS WE’RE… IN SOME WAYS STRUGGLING TO SHORE UP THE PACT… I’M CURIOUS, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD TAKE FOR LAUGH-LAST TO FINALLY JOIN US?
XAVIUL: Y’know… I, I know what he wants, and I’m pretty sure it’s not something that you guys are going to give him? And I'm really not sure it’s something he should have in the first place. Because what he really wants is Thee-I-Dare to come begging him to join you guys. On his hands and knees. Begging.
DIE-FOR-YOU: (LONG PAUSE) RIGHT.
SPODER: (LAUGHS)
XAVIUL: (LAUGHING) Sooo…
DIE-FOR-YOU: WELL…
XAVIUL: Y’know, as his Chosen I do have to say, I don’t think that he really… Should have Thee-I-Dare begging for his forgiveness? I mean, from what I’ve heard, it’s all Laugh-Last’s fault that. Y’know. He got fragmented in the first place. And I hear that Thee-I-Dare rightfully still has a lot of emotions about that.
DIE-FOR-YOU: YOUUU… DO NOT SPEAK AN UNTRUTH. WE ARE A… FRACTURED FAMILY, BUT FAMILY NONETHELESS. IF I… AM UNABLE TO PROVIDE THIS… REQUEST. FROM LAUGH-LAST. DO YOU THINK, PERHAPS, IF WE WERE ABLE TO GET SEED-THE-GRUDGE TO JOIN THE PACT-
XAVIUL AND SPODER: Oh no.
DIE-FOR-YOU: -THAT MIGHT BE ENOUGH TO GET HIM TO FOLLOW?
XAVIUL: (STRESS SIGH) Y’know, it might? I- Laugh-Last is, y’know, h-he’s kind of a fickle guy, he doesn’t tell me too much other than, y’know. He’s got a flame for her. For some reason. Despite- I don’t think they’ve even really ever talked? And Seed-The-Grudge does not seem at all interested in ihm. Other than, y’know, maybe wanting to see him snuffed out.
DIE-FOR-YOU: WELLL….
XAVIUL: But, y’know- maybe. You can always try?
DIE-FOR-YOU: INDEED.
XAVIUL: But, um- I will say that you guys aren’t the only one looking for an alliance with Laugh-Last.
DIE-FOR-YOU: REALLY?
XAVIUL: Oh no, Speak-As-One is totally moving in there.
DIE-FOR-YOU: (SIGHS) THAT… I CAN’T SAY SURPRISING, BUT IS NOT WELCOME NEWS EITHER. HMM.
XAVIUL: Yeah, it’s getting pretty serious. Speak-As-One even asked Laugh-Last to propose.
DIE-FOR-YOU: HMM. HOPEFULLY I CAN… UTILIZE LAUGH-LASTS’... INHERENT… HOW DO I PUT IT… ICKY… FICKLE OBSESSIONS? TO DRAW HIS INTEREST. BEFORE THE ELDERS DO.
XAVIUL: (LAUGHING) Well, maybe! But, y’know, I’m Laugh-Last’s Chosen, you don’t need to worry about mincing words too much, I know how he is.
DIE-FOR-YOU: TRUE ENOUGH, TRUE ENOUGH. (SIGHS) WELL. I THANK YOU FOR YOUR CANDOR. WE WILL DO THE BEST WE CAN WITH THE INFORMATION WE HAVE AND- THE NEXT TIME YOU SPEAK TO HIM. MAYBE… JUST DO YOUR BEST TO EXALT THEEEE… CHALLENGES OF THE ELDER’S SIDE OF THINGS?
XAVIUL: Y’know, all I can do is give him the options…
DIE-FOR-YOU: (FLATLY) AGREED.
XAVIUL: Uh, let’s just say for a while there he was considering joining the 8th, so. Anybody other than the Hunter seems a better ally.
DIE-FOR-YOU: (SIGHS) EVERY FAMILY HAS THEIR BLACK SHEEP, DON’T THEY.
SPODER: (LAUGHS)
XAVIUL: I’m gonna be honest, with your family it seems like you’re all different shades of black.
DIE-FOR-YOU: (LAUGHS) YOU’RE NOT ENTIRELY WRONG. WELL. STAY SAFE, FRIENDS.
XAVIUL: You too.
DIE-FOR-YOU: AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
XAVIUL: Anytime, we’re always here.
