[CONTEXT: LAUGH-LAST joins us as we’re hauling adults into the Pajama Party zone. Dadcat is dragging one to the zone.]
LAUGH-LAST: [from out of nowhere] THAT LOOKED HEAVY, DADCAT!
SLY: Hi there!
LAUGH-LAST: [giggling] HELLO!
PAPERLAUR: Well look who it is.
LAUGH-LAST: YES, LOOK WHO IT IS! WHAT DO YOU SEE? ALL OF YOU AND ALL OF...ME? I DUNNO.
SLY: I dunno, I see the sky.
LAUGH-LAST: HAVING FUN DOWN THERE, KIDDOS?
JOHNNY: Just the odd assault and kidnapping, nothing too big...
LAUGH-LAST: HMM… SOUNDS FUN! LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE MAKING SOME SORT OF STACK OF BODIES? I’VE EXPERIENCED THAT A FEW TIMES, HEHEHEHE!
SLY: It’s fun! Imagine what it’s like when they wake up, I wonder what they think?
[Johnny gets Shaped like a dumb goon. The Shape then goes for Paperlaur.]
PAPERLAUR: He has it out for me! I swear, the Shape has it out for me!
LAUGH-LAST: OH,ARE YOU STRESSED?
PAPERLAUR: There’s a lot to be stressed out about these days, okay! Don’t you think our situation’s at all stressful?!
LAUGH-LAST: I MEAN, IT COULD BE MORE STRESSFUL! YOU KNOW, IF IT WERE HAPPENING TO ME. BUT IT’S HAPPENING TO YOU, SO NO, IT DOESN’T REALLY BOTHER ME AT ALL!
SLY: What is happening with you? Any news?
LAUGH-LAST: NEWS? I DON’T KEEP UP WITH NEWS TOO MUCH, I JUST… KINDA TROLL AROUND, LOOKING AROUND FOR GOSSIP WHEN I CAN, WHEN I’M INTERESTED, WHEN I’M SOBER… I’VE HEARD A LOT OF RUMOURS TONIGHT. BOY, YOU TEENS CAN TALK!
THE HOT GOSS? WELL, I’VE SEEN WEIRD DANCE MOVES THAT YOU PEOPLE SEEM TO CALL THE ‘OLD TONGUE.’ I’VE HEARD PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE DEALS AND BARGAINS AND OFFERS… IT’S A LOT TO HANDLE!
JOHNNY: Oh hey, speaking of the Old Tongue--take a good look at my clothing. What do you see right now? Because I’m interested. [Johnny’s dressed entirely in celestial clothing and begins posing for the sky]
LAUGH-LAST: I SEE THAT YOU ARE… VERY RESPECTFULLY DRESSED. SOMETHING I WOULD AROUND THE HOUSE, FOR SURE!
JOHNNY: Would you? The far-out clothing, the seeing stars, the--kind of looks like--
DADCAT: So obviously he’s not wearing pants, right?
SLY: I would say--I think he sees you naked, is what he’s getting at.
PAPERLAUR: [aghast] We’re children!
LAUGH-LAST: I MEAN, I COULD IF I WANTED TO, BUT NO, I WOULD NEVER… PEER THAT DEEP INTO YOUR--PRIVACY. I SEE A SHINY MAN WITH A WEIRD FACE, IS WHAT I SEE. WHICH IS ALSO WHAT I SEE WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR!
SLY: Wait--yourself? Do you even have a face?
LAUGH-LAST: I CAN IF I WANT TO! I CAN DO EVERYTHING I WANT, REALLY. IT’S PRETTY FUN BEING A VOICE! ALSO, RENT IS REALLY LOW…
JOHNNY: [accusatory] Is it your face, or someone else’s face?
LAUGH-LAST: I CAN BE ANY FACE THAT I WANT. WHICH MAKES NIGHT TIME ALONE WITH MYSELF PRETTY SEXY…!
PAPERLAUR: You’re going to get arrested for horny crimes one of these days!
SLY: I mean, he’s a Voice--I don’t know how that would work…
JOHNNY: He’s gotten other people arrested.
LAUGH-LAST: I MAY GET ARRESTED, IT’S TRUE, BUT I FEEL THE HANDCUFFS WOULD JUST FALL RIGHT OFF.
JOHNNY: Okay, so in regards to learning the Old Tongue as you call it, unlocking secrets, getting these snazzy clothes--any idea what it all means? Why is it we can see these groovy stars in the pattern of our fabrics? Is it something to do with the primordial tongue that everyone seems to be talking about?
LAUGH-LAST: MAYBE! I DON’T REALLY KNOW! OR MAYBE I DID, AND I JUST KINDA FORGOT--THAT HAPPENS A LOT WITH ME! ALL I KNOW IS, YOU TEENS HAVE BEEN LEARNING THESE WEIRD DANCE MOVES, AND SOME OF YOU ARE SHINIER THAN OTHERS.
WHAT THAT ALL MEANS, I’LL LEAVE FOR PHILOSOPHERS TO DISCUSS.
PAPERLAUR: Well, you know the whole situation that’s going on right now has something to do with it--probably.
LAUGH-LAST: HMM… THE SITUATION? HOW DO YOU MEAN?
PAPERLAUR: I know you’re smarter than you act. Your symbolism is all masks! You know what I’m talking about!
LAUGH-LAST: MAYBE? EHEHEHEHEH!
PAPERLAUR: I know you’re smarter than you act, you can cut it out.
JOHNNY: [cutting in] All comedy is derived from fear…
LAUGH-LAST: OOH...
JOHNNY: Are you afraid of something, LAUGH-LAST?
LAUGH-LAST: ...AND WHAT WOULD I BE AFRAID OF? I’M THE MASTER OF CEREMONIES! EVERYONE LOVES ME!
PAPERLAUR: Except for one.
SLY: Well, many, I think.
PAPERLAUR: One that matters.
LAUGH-LAST: WHO?
PAPERLAUR: You won’t make me say his name.
[Paperlaur means HUNT-THE-STRONG, but Johnny thinks she means IN-HER-TEETH--that LAUGH-LAST fears death.]
JOHNNY: You’ve flirted enough with her already, haven’t you?
[And in a classic roundabout miscommunication, LAUGH-LAST thinks Johnny’s talking about SEED-THE-GRUDGE.]
LAUGH-LAST. OOOH… EHEHEHE! I MEAN, NOT DIRECTLY. DID SHE SAY SOMETHING? IS SHE INTERESTED?
JOHNNY: [Who has sacrificed his body to IN-HER-TEETH and SEED-THE-GRUDGE, so it all works out…] To be honest, it’s a fairly one-sided relationship. I wanted some assurance that a certain scary voice would have its life ended prematurely, so I gave my body up to her. I haven’t heard anything back since. The End-Mother came for me and left and didn’t even leave a number.
LAUGH-LAST. WOW. THAT HAS TO HURT, PAL. I’M SORRY. BUT IT’S ALSO VERY MYSTERIOUS, AND SOMEHOW EVEN MORE SEXY! I LOVE IT!
SLY: Do you miss your ex-wife?
LAUGH-LAST MY EX? DO I MISS HER? SURE! SURE, LIKE, LIKE YOU MISS, UM… MOLAR SURGERY?! OR UM… TAXES?! YOU KNOW, YEAH! I MISS THOSE THINGS, SURE!
PAPERLAUR: So it was you who broke up?
LAUGH-LAST: YEAH! I MEAN, MAYBE? I DON’T KNOW. IT WAS A MUTUAL THING. LET’S SAY IT WAS… IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU. NO, IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME! THAT’S WHAT I SAID! I THINK, I DON’T KNOW. WE WERE BOTH PRETTY UH… I WAS DRUNK.
SLY: How is that possible?
LAUGH-LAST: OH, ANYTHING’S POSSIBLE… UP HERE.
JOHNNY: I can’t help but notice that you two are of the same mind in some aspects. Both of you have wanted nothing to do with the pact that’s going on, hosted by the End-Mother’s off-shoot… the Grudge-Keeper.
DADCAT: ...Her hot sister.
LAUGH-LAST: YEAH, SHE’S HOT. I… I HAVE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PACT, NO. I DON’T WANT TO JOIN THEIR SILLY CLUB, NO.
PAPERLAUR: There’s something I wanted to tell you about that. Earlier tonight, you talked to a friend of mine. His name was Koz and he really likes you, so… I guess he kind of freaked out. He had a message that he was supposed to give to you, but he forgot. I talked to him about it, he texted… so, I know what it is he was going to say.
LAUGH-LAST: WHAT… WHAT MESSAGE DID HE HAVE, THAT HE FAILED IN MY--ALBEIT INTIMIDATING PRESENCE TO CONVEY?
PAPERLAUR: He was spoken to by another Voice last week. And THE-MEASURE-CUTS guarantees your safety. You’re welcome in the Pact.
[A LONG, FROSTY SILENCE PASSES.]
DADCAT: That’s a pretty sweet deal. Maybe you can keep milking him and get something better!
LAUGH-LAST: A PRETTY SWEET DEAL, HUH DADCAT? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?
SLY: You don’t trust him?
LAUGH-LAST: OH I DON’T TRUST ANYBODY, BUT ESPECIALLY NOT NERDS. DADDYCAT, WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT’S AN INTERESTING PROPOSITION, AT SOME POINT WE HAVE TO PUT UP A SHOW, RIGHT? AND PICK A SIDE?
JOHNNY: At some point, we all have to get serious.
DADCAT: [Or maybe DaddyCat now?] I’m sure you’re going for whichever side comes out on top.
LAUGH-LAST: THAT IS THE RUB, ISN’T IT?
PAPERLAUR: I’ve said it before, this is bigger than you and THEE-I-DARE.
LAUGH-LAST: IF I HAD TO PUT IT TO A VOTE… YOU. YOU LOT THERE. WHERE WOULD YOU HAVE ME GO? WHICH DIRECTION WOULD YOU POINT ME IN?
SLY: I would vote the Pact. It’s safety in numbers, as well as you’d get closer to your current love interest…
LAUGH-LAST: ONE VOTE FOR THE PACT. WHO’S NEXT?
DADCAT: I think a spot on the Pact sounds pretty cushy.
LAUGH-LAST: THAT’S TWO FOR THE PACT.
JOHNNY: I think there are serious problems that are being overlooked right now, and I think--I’ve seen what happens when people aren’t listening to one another, and they think they have all the answers. I think working together, talking to each other--that’s the first step.
PAPERLAUR: That’s how any of us have gotten this far with any of what’s going on in Redacre, right? We take notes, share with each other--we wouldn’t know nearly as much if we didn’t.
LAUGH-LAST: THAT IS TRUE, YOU… HUMANS DO SEEM TO STICK TOGETHER AND FEED OFF EACH OTHER. I’M MORE OF A ONE-MAN SHOW, AND IT’S ALWAYS BEEN PRETTY GOOD FOR ME, BUT… TIMES--
JOHNNY: [Losing his cool!] Are you kidding? You’re a one-man show?! You take your ideas from US! We influence YOU! You wouldn’t be ANYTHING without us!
SLY: Mm-mm! [Johnny, no.]
PAPERLAUR: [stammering] What are you doing?!
[LAUGH-LAST… laughs loud.]
LAUGH-LAST: BOLD. VERY… BOLD.
JOHNNY: [continuing, heatedly.] You act like you can be all alone… but we influence you just as you influence us. You take your best ideas--from our brains! That’s why SAO is out to try and swallow up all our minds! She’s using our unconscious minds. You’re as much a part of what’s happening as we are a part of it.
DADCAT: Well, they’re not gonna find anything good in my noggin…
LAUGH-LAST: [Not laughing anymore.] YOU KNOW… EVERY COMEDIAN HATES ONE THING: A HACK JOKE. BUT THEY FEAR SOMETHING EVEN WORSE: A HECKLER. AND THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.
JOHNNY: [Still hot.] Well, maybe you just need to find better material.
PAPERLAUR: There’s a bigger heckler out there who’ll eat you alive if he gets the chance. [A pause; worried.] Your show could end.
LAUGH-LAST: [Taken aback.] HUH.
PAPERLAUR: We’ve seen someone’s show end already…
[Rest in peace, DANCE-FOR-US.]
LAUGH-LAST: [Sighs.] WELL THAT JUST SOUNDS… DEPRESSING AS SHIT. NO. NO, I… I DON’T WANT THE SHOW TO END. AND AS… HAPPY-GO-LUCKY AS I AM DURING THE DAY, DURING THE NIGHT… THE SHOW IS ALL I HAVE.
SO… FUCK IT. YEAH! LET’S DO THIS! THE PACT HAS YOUR VOTE… THE PACT HAS MY VOTE. LET THEM KNOW: TELL THEM I’LL MEET WITH THEM AND HEAR THEM OUT, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO TRY TO GET THE-MEASURE-CUTS TO LAUGH.
I BET I CAN DO IT, I’LL JUST NEED A WARM-UP MAN…
SLY: That’d be quite the feat!
PAPERLAUR: Good luck with that. I… hope you can do it.
LAUGH-LAST: OH, I’M SUPREMELY CONFIDENT IN MY SKILLS. I JUST HOPE THEY’RE A GOOD AUDIENCE…
SLY: Well… wish you the best of luck! With your show, and--
LAUGH-LAST: NO NO, NOT GOOD LUCK… BREAK A LEG. IT IS A SHOW, AFTER ALL!
JOHNNY: [Sees that SAS has gotten the news and is losing their shit.] Hey LL… you’ll be happy to know, you’ve already got your audience. The Scooby Gang is freaking out right now.
LAUGH-LAST: HMM, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT I’LL TAKE IT UNDER ADVISEMENT. FOR ALL OF YOU… THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE. JOHNNY, THANKS FOR CALLING ME ON MY SHIT. YOU’RE BRAVE.
AND UH… PAPER… HM. YOU’RE PRETTY SMART.
JOHNNY: You and I have more in common than we think. We both wear masks. That’s how I stay brave.
LAUGH-LAST: YEAH. NOT THE FUNNIEST OF NIGHTS FOR ME, BUT MAYBE THE MOST INTERESTING! HAVE A GOOD ONE, EVERYONE.
[Everyone says goodbye. And then they proceed to FREAK OUT post-visit. Oh my godddddd! LL JOINING THE PACT?!
And then at the hideout, LL leaves a present for the four. A mask… ]
